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| Single Mother Families | |||||||
| Paper Id :
16470 Submission Date :
20/09/2022 Acceptance Date :
22/09/2022 Publication Date :
25/09/2022
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| Abstract | The term ‘Single Mother families’ is quite a familiar word in Indian society now a days. The reasons for their emergence are like widowhood, divorce, separation etc. Since children of divorce and separation are almost in the custody of mother and; higher death rate of males makes the mother, the most likely surviving parent in the case of widowhood; single parent is likely to be female. Reasons for their formation might vary but their problems and challenges are somehow identical. The single mother is left with all of the responsibilities of providing emotional and practical guidelines for the child while coping with home care and maintenance functions many of which previously were in the jurisdiction of husband. In the light of newly emerged identity, they aim to bring their children up as healthy, mature children with a full sense of being loved and accepted as normal persons in society. The single status of parent also proves a crucial turning point in the life of children too as they have to bear the loss of one parent and share responsibilities of family with the remaining parent. This paper attempts to focus on families headed by females and the kind of hardships they encounter with rearing up children singlehandedly. Through case study methodology, effort has been made to get in-depth knowledge about the hardships and challenges single parent families undergo. | ||||||
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| Keywords | Single Mother, Stress, Anxiety, Harmony, Responsibility, Marriage. | ||||||
| Introduction |
As per the census reports of 2011,11 percent of houses are headed by women in India wherein Kerala tops the position with 23 percent female heads (Times of India, 2012). In the seven states namely Chhattisgarh, Madhya Pradesh, Tamil Nādu, Andhra Pradesh, Maharashtra, Odisha and Gujarat the percentage of female headed households was found more than 20 percent. Amongst Union Territories, Lakshadweep ranks first with 43.7 percent female headed households. There is rise of 0.5 percent female headed households in 2011 compared with 2001(The Hindu, 2012). These figures do not necessarily indicate towards women empowerment as causes of emergence of female headed households are often widowhood, divorce, separation, desertion, migration of male head for long period and loss of earning capacity by male head. In the wake of rise in the number of single parent families (Single mother families) in Indian society, associated problems with these families are coming to the forefront. A single woman
parenting her children singlehandedly without any support of male counterpart in her life live the life of a mother and very often forgets or even
loses her own identity as an individual. The ingrained attitude of self-sacrifice for the sake of family especially children might be the reason behind spending rest of her life as a single woman or single mother. Single mothers are usually seen in stress and anxiety for the indefinite future of her children. Hilton and Des rochers (2002) found that there are inherent pressures combined with lesser financial resources makes parenting even more difficult. Playing the dual responsibilities of mother and father simultaneously demand more time and energy from a single woman at the cost of her mental and physical health. She starts getting adjusted to the trauma of dissolution of married life and adopting all possible various measures to to start afresh with children independently. Study done by Spanier and Casto (1979) revealed that there are two separate but overlapping adjustments before single mother:(a) to the dissolution of marriage (b) to setting up a new life style.A lot of self-esteem and courage need to be mustered to face the reality on the part of mother. Single mothers look at their children as a support and reason to live. Both seem mutually dependent upon each other to take life ahead. |
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| Aim of study | 1. To find out the reason of remaining single (single mother) for the rest of life. 2. To analyze the role performance of single parents and children. 3. To find out single mother and her children share harmonious relations or contradictory relationship. 4. To know the stress factors of single parent families. | ||||||
| Review of Literature | Kotwal and Prabhakar (2009) have opined that problems of single mother are basically related with upbringing of children, their future and settling down in life. Their study revealed that single mothers feel lonely, helpless, hopeless, depressed, lack of identity, lack of confidence and face financial crisis too. In the absence male counterpart, inculcating discipline among children was tough task for them. Lack of sufficient funds usually come out as major stress factor in single parent families. High levels of stress were reported among low income mothers where mothers were more demanding and restrictive with their children (Colletta,1983). The attitude Self-sacrifice is inculcated among women since childhood. In a study done by Elliott etal.(2015) single mothers emphasized on the importance of sacrifice, self-reliance and protection in rearing children. Study revealed that mothers consider themselves good mothers only when they perform intensive mothering and sacrifice their emotional as well as physical wellbeing for upbringing children. Mueller and Cooper(1986) have done a comparative study of children of single parent families and of two parent families. They found in the study that children brought up primarily in single mother families tend to have lower educational, occupational and economic attainment in contrast with their counterparts in two parent families. This difference was attributed to the economically disadvantaged position of single mothers. Poverty multiplies the problems of single mothers. According to Rani (2006) poverty stricken single mothers face problems in rearing children like child care arrangements during their absence from home, inadequate time for spending with children, schooling and behavioral problems of their children. They felt themselves unable to provide basic needs to their children. Financial strain driven by poverty is evident among single mothers. This strain is implicated in depressive symptoms among mothers and affects the parenting quality which in turn is closely associated with children’s behavior problems (Jackson etal., 2000). Sanik and Mauldin (1986) have noted that single employed mothers have least amount of time for spending in other activities except taking care of their families. Having unshared responsibility of rearing children, single mothers devote most of their time and energy in earning wages for their families (Quinn and Allen, 1989). Ahuja and Stinson (1993) has reported that children have also say in decision made in single parent families. The results indicate that children’s influence in decision making is correlated with demographic characteristics of the family like mother’s age, education, income, sex role orientation, employment status and the number of years since the mother’s separation, divorce, or widowhood, the household size, the age and sex of the oldest child. In single parent families, mother and children negotiate their relationships and share mutual dependence. Intergenerational boundaries are sometimes found missing in single parent families. Single parent treats their children as peers and shares everything with them (Glenwick and Mowrey, 1986). In such cases, it becomes difficult to define adult’s and children’s role behavior. Nixon etal. (2012) have conducted a study to analyze relationship between mother and children. Realizing mother’s access to limited resources, children take up the ethic of care and share familial responsibilities with their mother. Children reared in single parent families attain maturity faster than their counterparts in two parent families. In those families, where single parents work full time, their managerial responsibilities of the household are shared with children. Hierarchy is seen somehow forgone in such families and children get matured at faster pace (Weiss, 1979). Krein(1986) has noted that limited income of these families foster the children to enter in labour force at early age. McLanahan and Booth (1989) have pointed out that Children brought up in mother only families tend to become poor in adulthood and likely to become single parents themselves. Economic insecurity was found in these families.
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| Main Text | Case Study I Ms. P is 47 years old mother living with 18 years old son independently. She got divorce from her husband 14 years back. She has done 10+2 and is working in Private Sector to earn livelihood. She had an arranged marriage with a businessman in the same community. Her husband was drunkard, addicted to drugs and involved in anti-social activities. She had been the victim of domestic violence since she got married. When she took divorce, soon after that he was imprisoned for rape case. She made all possible efforts to save her marriage but all went in vain. She did not get any regular maintenance allowances for herself and her son. The little financial amount which she received at the time of divorce was usurped by her parental family. When she came to her parents, she was not having any job to rear her child independently. She did not have any say regarding selection of better school for her son. She and her son were deprived of even basic essential amenities of life like proper food, clothing and educational expenses. She had no option except living life on their terms. Her brother used to mistreat her son and sometimes beat him. It was the tough task for her to get her child better education and peaceful environment. To have a better life initially she wanted to resettle with someone who could except her along with the child. But no suitable match as desired by her, could be found. Then she decided to remain single and got a job to spend rest of her life with her son. She is staying in separate house (in a village near Chandigarh) of her parents along with her son only. She did not get any kind of financial, emotional and moral support neither from in laws nor from parents. Due to lack of adequate finances, she could not give her child education in good schools. Her health is not good and there is nobody to take care of her except her son. Stress, anxiety and depression is visible in her personality. She shares a close bonding with her son and confides in him. Her son helps her in household chores and other works etc. Her son wanted to pursue some professional course but could not do so due to non-availability of funds. Sometimes she has to borrow money from her colleagues to purchase basic food items. Her son is doing 10+2 as a private candidate and doing part time jobs to supplement mother’s income. Now he is trying hard to get a full-time job for helping his mother in running home. She is waiting for her son to get a good job and take care of her. Case Study II Ms. R is 48 years old single mother (M.A., B.Ed.) parenting her three young daughters in the age of 19,16 and 14 respectively. Ms R basically belonged to Sikh community and had love marriage with a Muslim man ( 10+2) 20 years back. He was a truck driver by profession. Her husband left her in 2012 as she could not give birth to a son. Later on, she came to know that he has married to a widow lady in Delhi in the wish of having a son. She did not file any court case against him as in Muslim religion second marriage is legal. She did not get any maintenance allowance from her husband or any kind of monetary help. She remained as a housewife during her marital period but soon after she got deserted by her husband, started looking for job. Presently she is working as AWW in Chandigarh and shouldering the responsibility of family. She is still waiting to have her husband back in her life. She could not think of remarriage fearing about the uncertain future of her daughters. Her eldest daughter is doing 10+2 as a private candidate, younger one is studying in madrasa and the youngest one is in 9th class of govt. school in Chandigarh. For meeting the basic needs of the family, she also gives tuitions and doing part time jobs apart from AWW job. She is living in colony and always seems worried about the character maintenance of daughters due to bad environment of locality. Inspite of expecting her daughters to be in good jobs, she is waiting her all three daughters to get married soon. The continuous stress of rearing her children do not allow her to live for herself. Her daughters look at their mother as only support and do not expect anything from her father. She has a close bonding with her daughters and shares everything with them. When she is outside home for earning livelihood, her daughters have taken the responsibility of all household chores. Case Study III Ms. RS is 45 years old single mother (B.A., N.T.T.) having responsibility of rearing two daughters of 13 and 7 years respectively. She had an arranged marriage to a businessman. She had been the victim of domestic violence since she got married, at the hands of her husband. Her husband is the only son of his parents and always wanted to have his own son. Soon after she delivered her second daughter, he left her and started to live with another woman with whom he had an extra marital affair. In such a scenario, she tried to attempt suicide twice but was her life was saved. When her parental family came to know about this, they asked her to abandon her daughters in laws family and move to her parental house. Her parents intended to take her responsibility only and marry her off in another family. She refused her parents’ proposal and decided to live with in laws for the sake of children. On her refusal, her parental family turned their back on her. Her brothers were not interested in giving her any share of parental property. She had no option to live with her in laws family to have shelter for her and her children. She did not move out of her in laws house inspite of being insulted and frequent conflicts with them as there was no one to whom she could go for help. She took the job of AWW to be able to get better education for her children. Later she came to know that his husband got married to another woman and now he is having son with her. Anxiety, hopelessness, low self-esteem is quite visible in her personality. In anger sometimes she beat her children. Due to her impulsive behavior, elder daughter has become adamant and does not blame her father for their sufferings. Younger one gets frightened whenever she gets angry. Her daughters are concerned for her but get worried at her impulsive behavior. Her children are not demanding and help her in household chores. She explained that she is only living for her daughters and there is no other purpose in her life. She expects her daughters to be self-dependent economically and get well settled in their lives. She seems very sensitive and emotionally weak at home and at her work place as well. Case Study IV Ms. M is a 48 years old Muslim widow(illiterate) living unmarried two sons and one daughter of 28, 17and 24 years respectively. She is residing in a colony of Chandigarh. Her husband was a clothes vendor and was solely responsible for running household. 12 years back she lost her husband due to high fever. In Muslim Qureshi community, a after attaining widowhood, widow is to follow “iddat” (praying to God for peace of her deceased husband’s soul) custom wherein she is to remain within the confines of a particular room for continuous 4 months. During this period, nobody was allowed to meet Ms. M, except her children and close family members. Food and every essential thing were provided to her in the room. She recalled the time when she came out of the room after four months, outer world seemed black to her. After observing “iddat” her brother asked her to get remarried if she wished so. She refused her brother’s suggestion and decided to live for her children. Being illiterate, she could not find a job. Her daughter dropped studies to take care of her mother and family responsibilities. Her son also pursued studies as a private student (have done M.A. now) and did part time job to earn livelihood. Her daughter learnt stitching from maternal aunt and supplement earnings for the home by sewing suits. Her children took the responsibility to take care of family and their mother also. She has full faith in her children and want her daughter to get married in a good family sooner. She admitted that her children lost their childhood and attained maturity due to familial responsibilities. Her youngest son is studying in 9th standard and helps his siblings. In this case children became overprotective and caring for their mother. Decision related to family are jointly taken by all family members. Case Study V Ms. B is 58 years old widow (matriculate) and mother of one son and one daughter living in Chandigarh. She got married at an early age of 15 years to a man who was working as Sr. Assistant in Govt. office and almost 13 years elder to him. At the age of 32 she lost her husband due to heart attack and left with the responsibility of rearing young children (15 years old son and 12 years old daughter). Her in laws wanted her to stay in their native village and to have control over all the funds to be given by Govt. office. They also wanted her children to leave schools especially daughter. She could not bear the trauma of losing her husband at this young age and her health got deteriorated. Her parents asked her to get remarried if she wants but she refused fearing about the future of her children. The family broke down and was in shock as children were unable to understand the changed scenario. After a period of one year, she decided to accept job as Govt clerk as ex gratia relief. She mustered courage to live independently in Chandigarh and get her children better education and better avenues for a rise in life without any support from in laws. Her parental family gave only moral support as they did not have sound financial background. The responsibilities were shared between single mother and her children to take life ahead. Daughter took over the responsibility of household chores and son took over the outdoor chores. Children did not compromise with their education while helping out their mother in handling challenges of widowhood. With the meagre salary amount, she managed to get her children good education. She had to leave her children at home while earning livelihood for them. She had the stress of settling down her children. She has not been given any property share either agricultural or residential yet. She was rather asked by brother in laws to give a part of salary to them. Mother as well as children made compromises in all spheres and were not demanding. They rather learnt to be more independent to get a respectable position in society. Her children did part time jobs as tuitions etc.to be self-dependent for pursuing higher studies. Mutual dependance of mother and children brought harmony in their relationships. All decisions related to family were taken unanimously by children and mother. Both children performed well in studies and became financially independent. Her son is well settled with his wife in MNC as French interpreter in Bangalore and daughter is in Govt. job at Chandigarh. She is having her own house in Mohali with their joint earnings and got voluntary retirement from govt. job. Now she is well taken care of by her children. But the shallowness left with the death of spouse could not be substituted with any relation.
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| Methodology | Research on challenges of single parent families face
during their life course has been scarce in Indian context. In the present
paper effort has been made to analyze the problems single mothers face in
rearing children. Single parent families emerged due to divorce, desertion,
abandonment and widowhood have been covered under this study. Based on
snow ball sampling technique, single mothers in the age group of 45-60 have
been chosen to get overview of challenges single parent families caused
either by divorce, desertion, abandonment and widowhood. Case study
method has been adopted to get in depth experiences of 5 single mothers in
the course of their lives. |
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| Sampling |
Snow ball Sampling method used. |
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| Analysis | In the above discussed five case studies, single mothers have faced challenges in rearing children singlehandedly. Though the reasons for the emergence of single parent families are different but somehow their challenges are almost identical. The reasons all single mothers explained for remaining single throughout the life was the insecurity of children. In case of Ms. P, though she wanted to get remarried but could not find suitable match. The mothers found themselves attached with children and did not give a thought to resettle in life leaving behind the children at others’ mercy.The ideology of being a good mother for children is responsible for sacrificing their lives for the sake of children. Elliott etal.(2015) have found this sacrificing ideology in black mothers also. Single mothers and her children learnt to get adjusted in newly changed situation. Single mothers accept the reality and take up the challenge of rearing children without any male support. Children also become caring and concerned for their mother. Children have become mature at early age and took adult roles to substitute role of remaining parent. As mothers moved outside to play the role breadwinner (earlier played by husband), children took up the role of managing household activities (earlier done by mother). Parents are expected to take care of children and let them enjoy their childhood. But there are role reversals among parents and children. In case of Ms. M, children took up the adult role of earning livelihood for running home. In all cases children help mothers in household chores and supplement mothers’ earnings. As role theorists have maintained that role enactment of actors relies on social contexts and availability of resources. Attaining early maturity by children brought up in single parent families has been supported by study done by Nixon etal. (2012). Children has harmonious relations with their mothers. Harmony of relations is visible in all cases cited above. Mothers and children seek support in each other. The challenges came before them did not impact the harmonious relationships. Rather they decided to cross tough phases of life jointly and have a contented life. They have strong bonding to share everything they encounter in their daily lives and stand for each other. In case Ms. RS, her psychological problems are negatively impacting her parenting. Her daughters want her to be at peace while handling problems. Little contradictive relationship exists between her elder daughter. Lack of adequate finances emerged as the major stress factor in the cases discussed above. In all cases mothers moved outside to earn livelihood after being single mother. In case 1, mother could not provide her child better education and in case 4, daughter dropped out of school due to shortage of money. In case 5, mother had the regular source of income from govt. job to provide her children educational facilities. But in cases 1,4 and 5 children did part time jobs also to earn money for pursuing higher studies and supported their mothers. The symptoms of depression, anxiety and low self-esteem were visible among all mothers. The stress of settling down her children and have a secured future for them had a negative impact on their physical and psychological health. Studies done by Colletta(1983); and Kotwal & Prabhakar (2009) have also found these stress factors among single parent families. The present study talks about the challenges that single parent families encounter in their journey. The role expectations and role performance are not in coordination. Adults are expected to bring up children and take care of them. But circumstances force individuals to change role behavior as per the requirements. As single parents are supposed to play the dual role of mother and father simultaneously, stress is evident in their role performance. Behavioral problems prove damaging not only for the health of parent but for the whole family. Unless single parent families act as unit to face challenges, life becomes difficult for them. Stability and harmony in relations with children make a single parent’s life somehow smooth and easy.
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| Findings | Sigle mothers do face challenges in rearing their chikdren independently. | ||||||
| Conclusion | The findings of this study indicate that single mothers as well as their children have to struggle hard in carving out a place for themselves in mainstream of the society. | ||||||
| Suggestions for the future Study | Study on the children brought up in single mother families must be carried out to know their struggles. | ||||||
| References | 1. Ahuja, Roshan “Bob” D. & Stinson, Kandi M. (1993) ‘Female headed single parent families: an exploratory study of children’s influence in family decision making’, Advances in Consumer Research, 20:469-474
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